Do you always have to fight to get the things you want?
Do you always haggle to get what you want from people, especially with your husband or wife? For almost 25 years of being married, I never have to compromise anything to my wife. I will tell you how we kept our marriage strong at the end of this blog.
If you are in a situation where conflict is inevitable, is to compromise the only solution to end the conflict?
What does it really mean when you compromise?
From the dictionary, compromise means a settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions. It is the result of such a settlement.
It’s been said that those who compromise reduce the quality, value, or degree of something, such as your ideals and beliefs. Compromise weakens your principle and it reduces your standards.
But, is to compromise really a solution?
In relationships, to compromise seems to solve a lot of issues. On the other hand, unhealthy compromise feels a lot like a disaster especially when you’re the only one giving up things and getting nothing or not much back.
I’m not in favor of compromise. I will avoid it as much as I can whether they are healthy or positive. The scriptures says, “But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil.” (Matthew 5:37)
If I have to compromise in a relationship, I do it in a healthy and positive way that would result to both parties feeling valued and fulfilled. I will give you some examples:
1. When you compromise, both parties need to give their share. Before you ask for someone to give up something, be prepared to offer something to the table yourself.
2. Do your best to engage in positive compromise rather than in a sacrificial way. One person does not have to suffer more than the other. Suffering is painful but it becomes positive when shared.
3. Compromise should only be used when you’re not angry. Discussions is achieved better when you’re both calm and feeling open. Negative compromise with resentment built into is unhealthy in both the short and long term. People who engage in negative compromise always end up bitter in the end.
4. Set everything on the table and know what is negotiable and non-negotiable before you start talking. Be flexible on the things that are negotiable. For the things that are non-negotiable, state your reason why and how important it is for you to stick to it.
5. Ask for the other parties help. From the famous line of the movie Gerry McGuire he said, “Help me help you.”
We all know that every person understands the need to compromise from time to time. Your ability to consider the needs of others as reasonable is necessary in a happy life but there will be occasions when you should never settle for anything less than exactly what you want.
Although positive compromises gives results to move forward, in some situations, it’s best not to move forward at all whether this could be your work, business, relationship, or sometimes even your dream.
I’ll tell you when you should stop compromising.
1. When you try to save something that shouldn’t be saved. When you are faced with losing a relationship that you desperately want to keep but you continue to compromise in an unhealthy way, this will just create more division. When you compromise with a toxic person who continues to hurt you, they will eventually destroy you. There will always be problems even after you compromise. The only way to stop your pain is to end the relationship itself.
2. When you are being manipulated by the lies of other people. Compromise can be used in a dishonest way by making the other person think you are working on a problem, when in fact you are being manipulated in the situation to their own advantage. Don’t put too much effort in helping people who does not want to be helped. This is not because you don’t care, it’s because they don’t.
3. Avoid compromising when you know you are mentally and spiritually weak. One of the hardest things to do is to be assertive to get your needs, while at the same time being sensitive and willing to engage in a give and take. Some people think this is humility. Humility is not being weak. When you appear weak and unable to express your needs in a healthy manner, you allow yourself to be lowered in a relationship. This is weakness, not humility.
4. When compromise is a failure to meet one’s own needs. When you are willing to be unhappy so that the others are happy, then that’s the beginning of your end. Compromise should always be undertaken gladly and in an honest and open way with compassion and understanding. It should never be undertaken to abuse anybody.
Finally, there are some areas when you don’t compromise like your investments and your faith.
You don’t place your investments when you know you cannot handle risks. Do you due diligence and stop when you are unsure – no compromise.
When it comes to our faith, imagine if Jesus compromised his divinity to earthly kingship, Christianity would never exist. I would not be here writing about faith and money.
At the start of my blog I wrote, I never compromise anything with my wife. Here is what I have learned in my 25 years of being married – when you cannot get what you want from your wife, don’t try to understand her – but accept her. This is my secret.
Acceptance is more powerful than compromise because with acceptance, you embrace everything. Compromise is accepting only 50%.
Believe me, you will last together for the rest of your life because there’s no compromise in acceptance.
Wishing you all the best in life – without compromise!
God is the greatest!